The Hardcore Truth About Me + My Blog
Hey guys! I know today's post is a little bit different than any post so far, but I am super excited to open up, and show you guys why I am really here. Today, I am sharing all of the realizations and struggles I have experienced since the start of my blog.
I used to be a watcher. I followed all of these amazing women on Instagram, and I would just strive to be like them someday. They were strong, powerful, drop dead gorgeous, and striving to be role models for other women. They educate on self love, the fashion world, how to maintain your health, tips and tricks to living your best life, cooking recipes, fitness tips, and so much more. They are truly inspiring. As a millennial, I looked to them for encouragement, tips, advice, and support. However, even though I looked up to them so much, I also envied them. I always thought to myself.. Why can't this be me? I have always had a HUGE passion for the fashion world, but I have such a DEEP passion for women empowerment and the mental distress that us women go through in this society. I've been through it, I want to help. The thought of being able to HELP OTHERS, and embracing myself and what makes me different in my own way, and how I could do all of this through the world of fashion. I could create my own business and achieve all of these wonderful things. This is my dream! This is it!
Aside of my passions and dreams, these ladies had the hair, the clothes, the money, the life. I thought to myself.. I don't even compare. Where do I even start? I don't have money to spend on new clothes every week. Nobody is actually going to read my posts. Nobody cares. This is a common thing for new bloggers. It took a few years to really get me going. I would start and then stop, then start and then stop. But recently, I have really put my mind to it. I think that after a few years of just wishing and wanting this dream, I finally said f*ck it! I won't know unless I try. So, I really tried this time. I spent hours and hours a day researching absolutely anything and everything about blogging. I went and still go outside of my comfort zone to take weird pictures and make weird faces and poses in public. I follow multiple new bloggers a day, and I connect with them. I compliment others the way that I wish to be complimented. My brain constantly circles trying to create and come up with new content, photo idea's, outfit idea's, etc. I have had awesome days where idea's just come to me, and the work is effortless. But I've had other days where I can't think of shit and I struggle to take a simple picture of my feet. This is extremely hard to handle. Imagine yourself in your 1,000 sq ft apartment, trying to take model status photo's while you have terrible lighting, and not a single, decent backdrop. You're thinking how in the hell your crappy ole photo is going to compare to a photo that gets over 12,000 likes. You're thinking about how you will never have $4,000 to drop on a professional camera. You will never have hundreds of dollars for "shopping hauls" or new skin care products/makeup products and you definitely don't have a personal photographer to follow you around all day. You don't have tons of girlfriends that enjoy going to super cool places and coffee shops, and all of that good stuff. All in all, you're just like DEAWNHTRWENGKDNFAKGN.
Uhm, yes. This is me at least 3 times a week. Probably 4 or 5, actually. It's time to let go! Let go of the worry and the stress. I'm not blogging to be like other women. I'm blogging to be ME. And I am proud as hell to realize this instead of giving up. I am more proud to be sitting here and having the courage to share it with YOU. Here is living proof that you aren't the only one.
Here is something that helped me:
Make friends; because those drop dead gorgeous, powerful women that you just wonder how in the hell they make it all look so easy.... Truth is, it's not easy for them either. A few of those women are now my friends. That's one of the beautiful things about blogging, you become a member of our world. In our world, nobody is perfect. In our world, you must embrace the tears, because everyone started at exactly where I am at right now. It wasn't just handed to anyone.
I have realized that there is no sense in wishing you could have this or that. That's what I used to do... I used to wander around social media and just WISH that I could have what other people have. After a few months of really pushing myself to the limit, I realize that all of those things I use to want, I no longer have a desire for. I don't want what other people have, I am happy with what I already have, and that is enough to succeed as far as I want.
I can't emphasize enough...... it is so
important to be yourself.
This previous weekend, I had a meltdown. My plan was to take shots of 5 different looks, so that I wouldn't have to stress about not having posts for this week. By the time I get home from work, it is a little late to really dive in and take good shots, especially because the sun is almost set which takes away the only good lighting my apartment offers. These 5 different looks never happened.. mainly because I tried one, and it turned out so badly that I lost motivation for the rest. I became negative. Alex and I went to the gym, I blew some steam off, and afterwards I just really needed to vent. Everything we've just talked about, I told him. But in an extreme way, like almost in tears. Here was his response:
"You try so hard to be like everyone else when it comes to blogging. You want the perfect hair like her, the perfect clothes like her, the perfect feed like her, but what you're forgetting is you aren't her. You are you. You are the one that wants to prove to women all over that they don't have to be like "her" so why are you of all people trying to be everything that you're not?"
That hit H O M E. As sappy as this sounds, it all fell into place in my head at that moment. I was like damn, he is so right. The fact that someone from the outside could tell that I wasn't being myself, that was enough. I sure as hell felt like I wasn't being myself, but that's because I was trying so hard to fit in and be like other bloggers. I am glad he was there to remind me that none of that matters, staying true to yourself is more important than all of it.
All in all, I won't give up. I might not have made it far, but I will. And I won't make it being anyone else but me, TOR :) If you feel this way, then lets struggle together! Let's support each other and follow dreams together! 1 more follower and blog post at a time!