Yes! You read that right. G A M E. C H A N G E R. I'm so excited to share something with ya'll. I was ready to quit this shit this weekend. If you've been following up on my blog posts, you know that I've just really been struggling with the "glam" side of blogging. The photography, Instagram, making myself look like I have all of my shit together when I definitely do not. Seeing other bloggers do everything so perfectly really made it hard for me. I couldn't stop comparing myself and my life to everyone else's. I truly felt lost. Once I noticed this in myself, and noticed the toll it was taking on my happiness, I immediately took a break from everything and spent a lot of time self reflecting.
After lots of thinking and lots of tears, here is what I've got:
WE CONTROL OUR HAPPINESS.
Part of me was telling myself that maybe I should quit, because it's obviously making my life negative and tearing me down. But another part of me was saying DON'T DO IT. KEEP TRYING. YOU ARE ENOUGH. We spend so much time comparing our lives and ourselves to everyone else's! Unfortunately, social media is a huge cause of this. Was I really going to let anything else control what I truly want to achieve? I thought to myself "This isn't me. I don't want to be this person. I want to be happy & grateful. I want to be the person I've always pictured for myself. That person is happy, positive, fulfilled. That person helps & encourages others. How am I supposed to teach women to love themselves when I don't love myself?" These thoughts were DEEP for me. I truly was and still am at a point where I am ready to change.
I watched a few of Kalyn Nicholson's YouTube video's (I freaking love her, and she's SO inspiring), pulled myself together, and I feel so much better. Here is what I've learned. When you start to feel down, or like you're not enough, or if you're suddenly just not feeling fulfilled with your life or who you are, TAKE AN EFFING BREAK. Feed your soul what it needs to pick yourself back up. I spent an entire weekend with family, stayed off of social media and just my phone entirely while I was home, and then spent 2 whole days with babe (we were sick as dogs) binge watching Netflix and doing absolutely nothing. I allowed myself to splurge and eat as much fast food as I wanted & I didn't go to the gym once. I'm not saying throw your life away and do nothing, but what this time allowed is for me to just really THINK and SELF REFLECT. What makes me happiest? When am I happiest? Where am I happiest? Why do I think this way?
WE CONTROL OUR THOUGHTS. WE CONTROL EVERYTHING. We really do! I realized that the only reason I felt the way that I did, is because I was allowing myself to feel that way. You have to truly find what makes you happiest, and you have to make sure you give yourself whatever that is, whenever you want.
I was holding onto an image. I was holding onto the image I've always had for myself, which was mentally tearing me down because my life is not anything close to that image. Take a deep breath, because it's o k a y. Let go. Let go of it all & start fresh. Maybe the image you had for yourself isn't who you truly are? How will you ever know if you don't try new things and find where you blossom?
UGH, I DON'T KNOW GUYS. These are just my thoughts and me trying to put them into words. But whatever I've been doing, it's helping. I feel positive again, I feel happy, I'm not scared to post an Instagram picture that doesn't even compare to the pictures I see on my timeline all day. It was taken with my iPhone, not a $1,000 camera. And I'm cool wit it! It doesn't fit into my feed, but I'm cool wit it! My Instagram feed does not flow AT ALL, and I'm cool wit it.
JUST BE COOL WIT IT. BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, ITS YOU, & THAT'S ENOUGH.