Hi ppl! So... this blog post is going to be very different. These past few weeks have been very rough for me. Blogging isn't easy. I've been struggling since the start. Blogging has taken a huge toll on my confidence, self-esteem, and happiness. I've mentioned in previous posts that I've struggled with blogging because of Instagram, and I'm struggling now more than ever. Blogging has been more stressful than enjoyable for me. I am starting to turn into a very negative person because I feel that I am not creative, or good enough. Seeing bloggers all over social media every day that have so much glam, money, vacations, clothes, they honestly just have it all. They make everything look so easy. It's been terribly hard for me to just be myself. I know I just wrote a whole blog post about how important it is to be yourself, and I meant every word! But unfortunately, that's something I am truly struggling with right now. I don't enjoy going out of my way to put cute clothes and makeup on to take a picture. I don't enjoy going out of my way to go to the beach just to get a picture for my Instagram/blog. I don't like that. But that's exactly what I've been doing this whole time! They say you NEED to create good & creative content, and I don't feel like I am creative at all when it comes to photography. If I can't take the PERFECT photo, I start to get very frustrated and my mood flips like a switch. I understand that successful fashion bloggers have photoshoots, and go through a lot of planning to make their Instagram's look the way that they do, and that's great! But I'm just not that person, it is mentally exhausting.
SO... I've decided to convert my blog into a journal. For those of you that don't know, I've worked in the fashion industry since I was 16 years old, but have recently left completely and am now at a job that I NEVER would see myself at. Through those years, I've developed such a passion for the fashion & beauty world. So being a fashion blogger filled that void for me for a while, but now it is starting to mentally tear me down. I don't want to completely quit because it's not the blogging itself I struggle with. I LOVE WRITING. I love journalism. It's the photo's, and the glam, and the idea that you have to make yourself look like you have it all, it's INSTAGRAM I can't stand anymore. It is SO stressful for me. I can't waste any more time comparing myself to others, it is so unhealthy. I'll be honest, at this point, I do feel lost. I feel like maybe its time to let go of the past and everything that I always "thought" was meant for me. Maybe the universe is telling me to move on, and find something completely different that makes me TRULY happy. I don't really know where I belong at the very moment.
I think the one thing that frustrates me most about this entire thing is f*cking social media. Can you believe the world nowadays? Social media just makes women feel like they NEED to be a certain way, or look a certain way. It makes it so hard to really be yourself and feel like that is enough. I recognize that all of that is bullshit, but I also recognize that I'm mentally not strong enough to push through it. I have to love myself. Guys, I literally CANNOT compare myself anymore. I can't compare myself, my Instagram, my photo's, my clothes, my home, my blog, I just can't anymore. It is causing me to lose sight of all of the grateful things I already have in front of me. It just leaves me wanting more, and wishing for more.
So from this point forward, I am no longer worrying about Instagram. I'm no longer worrying about what they said you "need" to do to be a successful blogger. The only thing important to me at this point, is my happiness. And you know what makes me happy? WRITING. And clothes and food and a lot of other things but that's not the point here.
So yeah, idk who's even reading this? Maybe no one but if someone IS reading this, you know the truth now. Don't judge me :) Let a girl vent. I don't exactly know what you'll be seeing on my blog from now on? I guess we can just figure that out together. I'm going to really try to just be me, and write about things that are me, and things that make me happy. Aaaaand ok my computer is at 3% so byeeeee and thx for listening to my emotional ass!